worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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