i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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