Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
