Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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