I hate all girls vehemently.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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