just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.