do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
