He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
