I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
