he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
