I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
