This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
