Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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