just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
