and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
