No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
