I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize