I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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