You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
