i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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