ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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