I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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