I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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