We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
