using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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