We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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