i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
