I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
