I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
