At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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