He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
third nipple confirmed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
