Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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