is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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