It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
