no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
