She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
