you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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