I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize