I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.