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and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
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