you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?