i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
