I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
