I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
