A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someone came in the potted fern
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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