so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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