porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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