So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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