i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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