I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
