I hate your face
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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