i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
