if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
