I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
