Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Welp...herpes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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