Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
