My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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