there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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