Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This girl is more easily done than said...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
