The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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