Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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