Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
